Anyone who claims they talk to invisible entities, and that those entities talk back to them and guide them, should be considered dangerous. Many atheists use logic instead. This can limit the excuses you can provide for saying or doing something stupid. You only have yourself to blame.
I’ll take that kind of accountability in our leadership All-Day over those religious politicians that assure you to listen to the voices that are only in their heads. Or is it worse to follow those that lie about hearing them?
Should we start asking if someone talks to and/or hears their God’s voice or voices when they want to run for office? Not to discriminate or disqualify them, but to allow voters the informed choice to determine if they want someone that hears, or claims to hear voices, to be a representative of them in their government? What do you think?
Best not to vote for those types any longer…Someone who is Secular, or even religious but willing to admit they do not speak to a supernatural being, would be a much better leader than otherwise. Self-Accountability is the best way to hold someone to their word, and to more easily determine who is to blame when a mistake is made. If they can simply turn to “Well, it must have been God’s will” or “God works in mysterious ways”, who can be held to account for their actions in office? Especially if the majority of the voters believe that it is possible, even if they can’t themselves, for someone to hear and speak with God. It can easily insulate someone from any accountability…not to mention, that if they are NOT lying about hearing voices and talking to them, they should be in a hospital for evaluation. Certainly not someone you should be voting for to represent you in any position of leadership or government
Sure, we’ve all heard the one about Men lying with other Men. You’ve been to your fair share of Thanksgivings where someone gives Uncle Heff too much rum and had to listen to him lecture the family on the bible’s “rich teachings” that justify his bigoted viewpoints.
However, here are some other rules that Uncle Heff needs to be reminded about. Leviticus contains 247 commandments. Below are just 9 that Uncle Heff needs to start fighting for as hard as the “Men with other Men” one he can’t let go:
Bowl Haircuts and Clean Shaven Faces
You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.” (Leviticus 19:27)
Tattoos and Cutting
What’s cutting? Ya know, the reason Uncle Heff wears long sleeves…he cuts himself to feel something. To help him know he’s still alive.
“You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.” (Leviticus 19:28)
Planting 2 Kinds of Seeds Together
Uncle Heff likes his legumes and grains best when they are planted together. This is a death sentence.
“Do not plant your fields with two kinds of seed.” (Leviticus 19:19)
No Mixed Blends
Uncle Heff loves his Polyester. Uncle Heff loves Linen mixed with Wool. Don’t be like Uncle Heff
“You are to keep My statutes. You shall not…wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” (Leviticus 19:19)
Cursing Out Your Parents
We all know that Uncle Heff drinks so much because his mother molested him. While you try not to bring that up, Uncle Heff’s slurring swear words are usually about his mom. When it’s not about “the darker fellas” that is.
“Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head. (Leviticus 20:9)
No Fortune Tellers, Mediums, Fortune Cookies
Uncle Heff spends an embarrassingly large amount of his disability check on Fortune Tellers. He should be put to death to spare his soul.
“Do not turn to mediums or spiritualists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.” (Leviticus 19:31)
Do Not Tear Your Clothes
This woman is about to die….and so is Uncle Heff with his “retro heavy metal” ripped jeans he still wears from the 80’s.
“Do not uncover your heads nor tear your clothes, so that you will not die and that He will not become wrathful against all the congregation.” (Leviticus 10:6)
No Shellfish or Finless Fish
Save your Uncle Heff’s eternity and put an end to his Annual Low Country Boil
“But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.” (Leviticus 11:10)
No Pets Allowed
Better to kill your Uncle’s pets now than to let your Uncle “Burn in Hell” later
“Also whatever walks on its paws, among all the creatures that walk on all fours, are unclean to you.” (Leviticus 11:28-29)
We hope this helps you the next time your Uncle Heff starts droning on and on about the homos, and that abomination they call “making love” because, Jesus and the Bible.
Speaking of Jesus, (since that Leviticus fella is from the “Old Testament”) he said the following, crystal clear quote, on how to treat each other:
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
If Uncle Heff still gives you the business, ask him to show you where Jesus condemned homosexuality (enjoy watching him try to find it, because there’s nothing there to find).
Uncle Heff needs to remember the Golden Rule. This rule predates his religion and will live on even after his own ancient religion is finally dead.
“Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You. Otherwise, Mind Your Own Efin Business” (Efin 4:20)
Instead of Eternal Torture in Hell for not believing in you, may we request another option? It seems only fair that instead, we get whipped 39 times, crucified, sent to Hell for 3 days and then “Tetelestoi”; All’s Forgiven…Still waiting to hear back on the original letter.
Your Atheist Children
Twas the holiday before Christmas,
when it was called something else,
Pagans had a festival, eating so much, they broke their belts
The Christians were not invited, and felt so mad as to pout
So they went to their religious leader to help bail them out
In power, back then, was a costumed man with a hat
Without separation of state, he put a stop to all that
Now Christian merchants had merchandise to sell
But a problem arose, modern children weren’t scared of hell
What next can we do to make kids behave themselves
We will invent Santa who is always watching and put his elves on their shelves
Now be good little brats, beg for presents and sing
Because parenting is harder to do without magical, authoritative things
So now Christians have Christmas and insist we do too
It begins around October or November, well, except for the Jews
Now Christians want more, but we already gave them 3 months
So go ahead and have “Santa” tell your spoiled little runts,
if any of them tell me there’s a war on Christmas, I will kick them in their…
Merry X-Mas Everyone
Wake me when it’s over