Christmas has a Pagan Past…a Poem

Twas the holiday before Christmas,
when it was called something else,
Pagans had a festival, eating so much, they broke their belts
The Christians were not invited, and felt so mad as to pout
So they went to their religious leader to help bail them out
In power, back then, was a costumed man with a hat
Without separation of state, he put a stop to all that
Now Christian merchants had merchandise to sell
But a problem arose, modern children weren’t scared of hell
What next can we do to make kids behave themselves
We will invent Santa who is always watching and put his elves on their shelves
Now be good little brats, beg for presents and sing
Because parenting is harder to do without magical, authoritative things
So now Christians have Christmas and insist we do too
It begins around October or November, well, except for the Jews
Now Christians want more, but we already gave them 3 months
So go ahead and have “Santa” tell your spoiled little runts,
if any of them tell me there’s a war on Christmas, I will kick them in their…

Merry X-Mas Everyone
Wake me when it’s over

-Efin

 

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