Clusters of Debris Have Natural Causes


We had seen all sorts of disasters. The old woman that found me when my parents died, told me that she had seen trees burst into flames. She told me the ground has swallowed entire houses full of people. She has bore witness to massive waves that would appear with no warning on the shores. The famines that resulted and the deaths that ensued were all nothing more than minor interruptions compared to what happened on this day.

The old woman said as much before she passed. Her dying words told of the scale of the event. Her ribs were crushed but she managed to say, in a whisper that only someone with our long affinity for each other, could ever get close enough to hear:

As I lay here dying, my body broken, our villages frying

There has never been a disaster like this before, where this many of our friends are here no more

The ground shook so hard, and the air moved as if pushed, a horse was thrown so hard, I swear it was de-hoofed

The wind smells like sulfur with hints of what we had for dinner, my death soon approaches, not much left for this sinner

I tried to comfort her through her moment of passing, but she wouldn’t let go. The old woman was writhing to get more words out. I told her to hush. What was left of our people had begun to gather around us. I tried to keep her hushed. This woman that I’ve mistakenly called mother many times in the past, is refusing to stay silent. She’s attempting to make her words audible for everyone around us. Her voice now booms out. I could never keep her from doing anything before, her dying moments are no different:

Gather around, those of you that remain, hear my voice now and ignore my pain

You probably wonder what befell us all, what killed your families, why there’s a fence post in Paul

Why the air moved fast, like a hurricane’s wind, but without any rain, to go with the spin

Notice that smell in the air, that horrible stench, it wasn’t here before the great wind blew the blacksmith from his bench

The apocalypse that is upon us, there are no gods we can blame, when I tell you the cause, you’ll think me demented, you’ll think me insane

If my arms weren’t broken and my fingers all disheveled, I would point them out now, I would show you our devil

The great winds that destroyed us, that left the air in a funk, natural explanations all debunked

If only I hadn’t saved her, if only I’d not been so nice, we’d still all have our kin and be living in paradise

The devil is me, I should have kept walking by, this child, now a woman, holding me as I die as my end is nigh 

She cast a spell from her ass, a fart with the deadliest of blasts

If only I left her to die that day, we’d still all be ok

We looked around at each other but their eyes ended up all on me. I was red with embarrassment. I had indeed passed gas before the great winds destroyed our lands but surely, I couldn’t have done this. The old woman finally gave up her fight and gave in to her mortal wounds. I placed her down in the sand and slowly backed up. The neighbors’ gaze followed every move I made. What could I say…..I broke into laughter. The staring eyes turned to squints as they too joined in. We all fell over one another as we cackled like children. Like the children that all lay dead around us. The ones lucky enough to have escaped death’s early certainty were still dying. They were dying with laughter; at the notion that my passing of gas could have caused this mess. The old woman had certainly lost her mind.

Here’s the thing though…….

The great winds killed more than the worst ocean leaping up the shore; burned hotter than the great fires from before

Scorched the earth and trees; brought a smell in its aftermath knocking death’s remains to its knees 

It was definitely me that caused the rancid gas, the death and destruction caused was not anything like disasters long passed

Holding it in for years, afraid my shame would seep out, preventing the release of a tsunami of decomposed particles was a daily bout

The battle now lost, with results worse than momentary shame, I slipped back in with the survivors, quietly venting any noxious vapors that remain

That old woman had taught me much, I’ll always hold her close to my heart

Of all those precious moments of learning, she had never taught me how to fart



One thought on “Clusters of Debris Have Natural Causes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s